He's Sexy and He Wants You to Know It
by obsessedStuck
Summary: Jake visits Texas and finds a drunken young Strider. OOC. Trollmegle. i dunno T to be safe?


Based off of a trollmegle rp lol actually _most_ of the dialogue is taken word for word from the rp. I just added a few more lyrics and ending since I had to leave before we could finish it up.  
>Dedicated to that wonderful drunk Di-Strider I got on that site that inspired me to write this.<p>

I AM NOW UNABLE TO LISTEN TO THAT LMFAO SONG WITHOUT SEEING A DRUNKEN BRO THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Warning: I apologize for the major OOCness but I just couldn't help writing this up. that's trollmegle, it's all about the OOC

_Disclaimer: Homestuck belongs to the fabulous Andrew Hussie._

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><p>Your name is Jake English and you're in quite a pickle.<p>

It was supposed to be just a cool best bros visit filled with video games, fist cuffs and wrestling, but somehow you ended up on the floor with an intoxicated Strider sleeping on top of you shirtless.

How did this happen? Well it started when you, coming back from the convenient store from across the street, chanced upon a young Strider dancing around his room with a half empty bottle of vodka in his hands and singing along to 'I'm Sexy and I Know it'.

"Strider what the devil dickens are you doing?" you asked, baffled by the state you never thought to have ever believed to see the mostly sensible boy in.

"Jake! How are ya here try this I found it in Dave's room its sweet it burns but just yes!" you were surprised when he suddenly shoved the bottle into your arms.

You narrowed your eyes at the bottle and looked back at the drunk that was dancing wildly. You then averted your eyes to his choice a- Quickly shaking your head you got back to the matter at hand, "Strider have you been picking up habits from Lalonde? Your face is quite flushed."

The young Strider too into his dancing did not hear what you had said and went back to singing along with the song, "When I walk in the spot, this is what I see, Jake English stops and is staring at me. I got a passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it. I'm sexy and I know it! Shit it's hot in here."

When Strider suddenly removes his shirt your eyes widened along with a blush that crept across your face, "S-Strider wh-what are you doing? Stop this indecency at once!"

"Oh, oh dear," your glasses began to fog up. After placing the bottle down and wiping your glasses, you then proceeded to try to stop Strider yourself.

"Come on Jake dance it's fun!" Strider just grabbed your arms and attempted to dance with you when reached them out to stop him, swinging you around he just continued to sing at the top of his lungs, "I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT."

"Uh no thank you, Strider this is completely unlike you. I demand you to cease at once and- and put your bloody shirt on for cripes sake!" you shut your eyes, still blushing as you shoved the shirt you picked up after pulling away at the drunk.

"It's too hot for shirts though," the Strider took the shirt from your hands and tossed it to the side once more, "Plus I'm sexy aren't I? Jake I'm sexy right? Jake look at this body, yeah, Jake look at this body, ah, Jake look at this body, I- I- I- work out!"

"Y-you, well it is, ahem quite a bit warm in here," you pulled on collar and looked away.

"Oh god IM NOT SEXY," Strider thinking that's what you said plopped onto the floor and begun to wail, "I'm not sexy!"

"What no!" you cried out in an attempted defense, "I never said that! I mean ah um, I mean no- argh Strider you are completely intoxicated aren't you."

"Jake why won't you just love me!" he clung to your legs, totally losing it. Wow he was such a light weight, who knew.

Your face went redder at the word love. You glanced at half empty bottle then back at the completely drunk Strider before responding, "I- I- I- I never meant to say you weren't sexy no wait I never did say you weren't but I never denied it I mean yes?"

Realizing what you just said you slapped a hand over your mouth and your face went 10 shades darker. But the drunk had no idea what you were saying or was just too drunk to care. He wasn't even looking at you, he just continued to cling onto your legs wailing.

When you noticed no change in reaction from what you just said you sighed and tried to pry the wailing Strider off your leg to get him to stand straight, "Strider your actions are unbecoming of you. And here I always thought you were the type to not get drunk, even Lalonde is never this bad."

"Well screw you Jake because because," he hiccupped and said on cue with the song.* I'm sexy and I know it!"

"Yes yes quite sexy indeed," you rolled your eyes, saying it casually since you believed that Strider was no longer paying attention to anything you were saying then.

"Really Jake you think I'm sexy!" yes he heard you and he quickly stood up to continue clinging to you with his arms draped over your shoulder.

"Whoa there!" you went a bit off balance from the sudden shift in weight and blushed once more, "Er um y-yes? Well then Strider since you are satisfied with my answer will you now comply to one of my wishes? Namely never drinking ever again? Ever. Also, please put your shirt on."

"But it's fun vodka tastes different and no it's too hot for my shirt this IS Texas after all!" he retorted while staring at your face the whole time, "Whoa Jake your face is like red!"

"I-it is not!" you quickly denied and tried to push him off so he didn't keep staring at your face, "And and too much intake of such a vile thing can cause you harm and so what if it's Texas, you don't see me taking my shirt off! I demand you let go of me this instant!"

"Come on Jakey live just a little with me!" Strider slurred and pushed all of his body weight onto you.

For some reason all you heard was 'live with me'. Your face and mind suddenly blanks out and you stand there in shock.

He watched your face just go blank and shots you a confused look and snapped his fingers in front of your face, "Jake come back Jake wakey wakey Jake!"

After a 10 second blue screen moment you began to stutter like crazy and chattered incomprehensibly, "How can you just casually just say something like that and have you really thought about what you just said no wait HAHA you're drunk as hell what on earth are you thinki-"

You tried to step back in middle of your rambling but you tripped over something and fell backwards taking Strider along with you. He has no idea what you just said though and falls over, landing on your chest, his sunglasses going askew, "Heheh you fell over Jakey!"

"G-Get off me!" you tried to push at the young intoxicated Strider. You let out a breath of relief when he pushed himself up, but you glared at him when he made no other movement. While glaring you noticed he was just staring at you.

"What is it now you blithering idiot?" you asked, brows furrowed.

"Yer eyes are pretty," he slurred once more before he leaned in and gave you a kiss. Your eyes widened and your blank state returned once more as your glasses knocked with his.

The kiss lasted one long minute before he pulled back and giggled at you. All you did was just stare straight ahead at the ceiling, completely baffled at what happened. Strider lied upon you once more with a smile on his face and rested his head on your shoulder. Within seconds he fell asleep and now here you are.

On the floor.

Shirtless _hot_ Strider sleeping on top of you, after a drunken fit and a kiss.

Your mind wandered unable to believe what just happened. Your eyes wandered as well and fell upon the face of the sleeping Strider whose face was a bit too close to yours. His stupid pointy shades were poking annoyingly at your cheek so you took them off and placed them above your head. With his sunglasses off, you saw how handsome he really was and your face went dark red.

He kissed you.

Holy shit he kissed you.

Panic or any sort of reaction was unable to take place for the door to Strider's room was suddenly slammed open and in came his older brother. You immediately sat up. Shirtless young Strider still draped over you, mouth now hanging open. You wanted to blurt out something, anything.

_I can explain-_

_No wait he just-_

_I-_

_We didn't do anything!_

_Wait no._

_Haha you must wondering why he's sleeping on top of me while shirtless, well he was hot and um-_

Instead of sounding like a complete idiot, your mouth just hung open without any words coming out. Strangely though, the older Strider said nothing and just looked around the room and past the two of you. He walked past you over to the half empty bottle of vodka and picked it up.

"Little dickhead went through my stash," the Strider with round aviator sunglasses then looked at you two. Panic filled you as he walked closer and looked down at you. You were unable to find any words to say.

The elder Strider just stood there and looked at you for a moment before taking something out of his pocket. The last thing you saw and heard was a flash of light and a click before the man disappeared.

With a groan you just fell back suddenly feeling extremely tired. Strider shifted and curled up a bit against you.

Your name is Jake English and you're confused as fuck.

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><p>Omg I just couldn't stop laughing as I typed this out, oh gog what have I done.<p>

Help I've just lost control of my life.


End file.
